Hello internet. I know, I know, I’ve been sorely missed. I was too busy curled up under a blanket after reading the extremely traumatising 1984. Turns out, not all dystopian novels end with Jennifer Lawrence sashaying in and saving the day. Sigh. It’s surprising how much happens when you decide to take a hiatus. The elections are over and as a direct consequence photos of Smriti Irani in shorts are going viral. India, that’s exactly how you are supposed to use the internet, I am proud. This post comes over a month after the election results were announced. The ostensible reason here is that I wanted to give them time to begin work on their promises but let’s make this clear; I’m just too lazy.
The BJP won the elections and when I say ‘won’, I actually mean “They fucking brutalised the Congress like dayum did you see that shit, it was like the Kardashians fighting over a black dude with bling”. Subtlety aside, we now officially have a right-wing party at the centre (heh heh). However, the Indian political right is not to be mistaken with the American political right. The Indian political right stops its crazy at “Gay people cause floods” and “Ladies, please don’t go out at night with boys unless you’re with boys” . It never goes full retard with nonsense like creationism and ‘Take your guns to mexican restaurants’.
For the first time, the younger generation of the country (No Rahul, you’re not young, you’re practically at the treshold of menopause now) has been actively campaigning for whichever side has catchier slogans.
Person 1: Bhai, dollar ka rate gir gaya.
Person 2: wut.
Person 1: iPhone sasta hogaya yaaaar!
Person 2: AB KI BAAR MODI —
I don’t intend to come off as skeptical here, but as a member of the ‘young generation’, I can vouch for the fact that most of us are off our rockers. The reason most of us have iPhones is because it’s expensive and we think the i in iOS stands for India. In other words, we jump on bandwagons too fast. But then again, do I dare call the right leanings of an entire nation, a bandwagon? I don’t. I’m just as exasperated with the same old people pulling off the same old scams. A new political party ought to infuse some fresh blood and names into the old scams.
Us left leaning ‘liberal pinky faggot-monkeys’ aren’t done yet. We’ll wait for the sheen to wear off, while we bide our time in dark caves campaigning for social issues that no one cares about and blogging about it on websites no one reads. Till then, Ab ki baar, Modi Sarkaar!’